Jasper Whitlock vs The World
by itsjustme1217
Summary: Can Jasper conquer Edward's past in order to have him forever? Loosely based on Scott Pilgrim vs. The World. Slash


**Many thanks to my beta RPfangirlJR **

**Disclaimer**: I don't own Twilight, Tinkerbell, Scott Pilgrim's powers, Greek mythology, or boy lovin'. I never get _nuthin' _I want.

They say no two love stories are the same. I believe that to be an accurate statement. Some start with a supernatural occurrence, or an epic fight, or crappy pick-up lines. Ours began with all three...

The curse had left me a cynical, sullen bastard. I isolated myself from humans and vampires alike. I sulked around the world, stomping my feet and throwing trees like a petulant child. I figured I had an excuse to act like an emo pussy and seven good reasons why.

**Reason #1 - Anger**

I first met Bella in high school; Biology to be exact. I was seventeen and, in typical teenage fashion, paid little attention to anything that didn't put a beer in my hand or their lips around my cock. Bella was mousy and average and rarely crossed my radar until one day when there was a pop quiz and I needed someone to give me the answers.

I slipped her a note telling her how pretty her skin looked in the navy blue sweater she wore. Then I asked for the solution to number one. This continued in the same way for the rest of the class, I complimented her, she gave me answers. I thought it was a nice little tit for tat. I was wrong. Turns out Bella had a secret. Well, a few secrets, okay she was the fucking master of secrets.

That day, after school, Bella was waiting for me by my beloved Volvo. When I neared, she stood on her tiptoes to kiss my cheek and I gagged a little.

"What are you doing Bella?"

"Kissing my boyfriend," she responded, smiling.

"I am _not _your boyfriend," I scoffed, pushing her aside so that I could unlock my door.

"But...but...you wrote all those things about me in biology. I-I-I helped you cheat," she stammered.

"That's right. We both got what we wanted and now it's over, so if you'll excuse me..." I trailed off, opening my car door.

As soon as I opened the door, she pushed it shut again with the heel of her hand, leaving a dent in the side. I was pissed and a little afraid. She left a fucking dent in the door of my shiny silver baby. I stood there, shocked while Bella ranted. She said she'd been in love with me for years. She pointed out every instance in our school career since Kindergarten that I had glanced at her, spoken to her, smiled at her. She said she knew that we were meant to be together, soul mates.

It seemed like she had been seething at me for quite a while and when I took a look around, I found the parking lot empty. Now, I know you probably think I'm such a wuss for being afraid of a little girl but here's the thing, Bella's fucking crazy.

I saw it in her eyes when she swore that I would be hers and no one else's. The next thing I knew, I was flat on my back on the concrete with teeth marks in my neck. It took three days of fire in my veins, my mother fussing about my extreme high temperature, and Bella whispering in my ear about immortality to realize that Bella had turned me into a damn vampire. After that, it was easier to just be with Bella rather than fight with her constantly.

She taught me to hunt animals and survive on their blood, she explained all the rules of staying out of the sun and not showing off my new strength and speed, she also convinced me that, unless I wanted to be alone, she was all I had. The hardest part, or least hard part, depending on how you look at it, was that Bella wanted to have sex. It wasn't so bad kissing her, I could do that. But whenever she tried to push it further, I had to pull away so she wouldn't notice my flaccid cock. I made up all kinds excuses about morality and waiting till I was married. I could tell she was growing impatient and I was living in fear of what would happen she found out my secret. To be honest, I was also a little terrified that maybe Bella had a dick and she was going to be the one to fuck me. Bitch is scary.

To my utter confusion, that thought actually got me at half-mast. Not the scary semi-rape part but I found the getting fucked side of it quite appealing. This brought about a whole different set of worries. Was I gay? Bisexual? Did it matter? How pissed was Bella going to be when she found out that the thought of having sex with her made my dick try crawl back up inside of me?

All my questions were soon answered when Victoria showed up in the rainy town of Forks. Forks is the kind of town that if you only have one day to live, this is where you want to spend it because every day feels like it lasts a fucking eternity. Back to Victoria, the first time I saw her, I found out that while being taken by another man was appealing to me, pussy still did the trick too. You know except for Bella's. So, bisexual it is.

As much as I liked the new vampire in town and wanted to get under her skirt, I also didn't want to cheat on Bella. I had learned a lot about myself by being with her. I knew I had treated people poorly and I had essentially brought Bella's wrath upon myself. I had been selfish and manipulative and I knew that because that was exactly how Bella treated me and I hated it. I thought that being honest with Bella was the best possible plan. Surely she could see that we weren't working out as a couple. I mean, she would want to find someone who loved her the same as she loved him right? Wrong.

Bella threw a monster tantrum. She cursed me with heartache and loneliness. Six times was I to fall in love only to find that love unreturned. Once I had mourned and wept for my lost love, only then would their true evil be revealed to me. And over 119 years the curse had fulfilled Bella's prophecy, leaving me with seven deadly exes to deal with. They turn up wherever I go to thwart any attempt I make to find love or sex. Now that the curse has left me heartbroken six times, if I can find someone who truly loves me and is willing to fight for our love, the curse will be broken. I gave up a long time ago though. Who would want me knowing they had to fight seven of the evilest people in the world?

Still, fifty years of loneliness and isolation can cause a man to ponder all types of scenarios. My fantasies are quite simple really, someone to come home to, cuddle in bed with, and maybe ride my cock from time to time sounds just perfect to me. I finally made up my mind to give love one more try, if the opportunity presented itself and it was with that frame of mind that I approached him on the cliffs.

He was handsome in a rugged sort of way but the defeat in his posture is what made me feel a connection. He never even looked up when I sat down beside of him.

We sat in silence for a moment as I looked out over the ocean. Finally, I opened my mouth and said the first thing that came to mind.

"Come here often?"

I know, I'm an idiot. Though I'd say the same cheesy line a million times over and never mind the embarrassment to put that smile on his face. He studied me for a second before giving his name, "Jasper," and holding out his hand.

"Edward," I returned quickly, taking his hand in mine for a friendly shake. As soon as our skin touched, currents of electricity enveloped us. Tiny blue lightning bolts that sizzled from our joined hands, flying in little sparks around the two of us, only to burst like fireworks.

"What was that?" I asked in awe as he pulled his hand from mine.

Jasper's eyes darted anxiously between his hand and me as if the answer were written in his palm or on my forehead. Clearly, he didn't understand the phenomenon either. Deciding not to press an issue that was obviously causing him distress, I moved on to another topic. I knew from his smell when I found him that he was different and asked him about it.

"What are you Jasper?" I asked.

He scowled, responding harshly. "I'm a freak."

"Really? I'm a vampire." I replied in a sarcastic tone.

He waved his hand as if my vampirism was of little consequence.

"Have you ever been in love Edward?"

I snort loudly, "Umm...yeah."

His head jerks up and his eyes narrow. "I don't need anyone else making fun of me," he says angrily.

"I wasn't...I swear. It's just that I haven't been so lucky in love." That might have been the understatement of the year.

"But you _have _experienced it?" He asked, his eyebrows rose, revealing he already knows the answer.

"I have," I said, turning to look back out over the water. Jasper's eyes were intense and I couldn't look into his wide innocent blue eyes while remembering my past love loss.

"I'm the laughing stock of my family," he says, sighing. "I come from a long line of Texas magicians."

_Magic cowboys._ Where shall I file this fantasy? Oh yeah! The spank bank. I imagined Jasper on a horse with a black Stetson perched low on his head, blue lightning bolts shooting from his fingertip toward a setting sun.

Jasper snapped his fingers in front of my face and the vision blurred to nothing. "Am I boring you Edward?" he sneers.

"No!" I say quickly. "Please excuse my manners and continue."

He sighs and shakes his head but continues. "My family specializes in emotions. We are able to tell what other people are feeling. It comes in handy during negotiations and such when one needs to be able to tell whether people are telling the truth or hostile or whatever. The thing is we can only detect the emotions if we have experienced them first hand. And I have never been in love."

I think about what he has said as I watched the waves crash against the rocks. "Love isn't always all that great. It can cause great pain."

Jasper considers before answering, "In order to take my place with my ancestors on the Magic Express, my last task was to predict a love match."

When he didn't answer, I nodded, encouragingly. "And?"

"Annnnnnd," he drew out. "I predicted a soul match between this vampire dude and a human chick." He holds my gaze, gauging my reaction. I want to cover my mouth to hide my smile, because I'm pretty sure I know where this is going, but I hold myself back. That is, until he says it. "She cut her finger on a piece of toilet paper."

I couldn't contain it anymore. I doubled over laughing, clutching my stomach as tears rolled down my cheeks.

"It's not funny," Jasper folded his arms across his chest, his face stern. "That poor girl died on the commode Edward."

This set off a round of hysterical laughter that caused me physical pain. When I was able to breathe again and could open my eyes, I saw Jasper looking at me in wonder.

"Edward, when you laugh like that, it makes my heart flutter like it has wings." He paused, pressing his palm over his groin and moaning. "It also makes me horny."

Suddenly, his eyes widened and a light bulb appears over his head. Jasper reached up and pulled a tiny chain that caused the bulb to illuminate and then disappear again.

"You make me feel like a unicorn!" Jasper blurted out seriously.

"Ummm...okay," was my brilliant reply.

I watched lust swirl in his eyes and decided to be easy on my poor heart before this went any further. And so I told him, about Bella, about the curse and about my exes. Then, I folded my hands in my lap and waited for him to leave. But he didn't and just as the sun rose over the mountains, he linked his fingers with mine, between us.

As soon as the sun was safely hidden behind dark clouds and the drizzle began, I led Jasper from the cliffs with every intention of buying him breakfast. Being out in public usually made me nervous but being out in public with Jasper holding my hand, well, that made me damn happy. I should have known better than to think it would last.

**Reason #2 - Gluttony**

We no sooner made it to level ground than I spotted her in the distance. Jasper noticed too and looked at me curiously.

I sighed heavily, "It's Alice."

A beam of shimmering light darted around us jerkily before growing larger and bursting to reveal the pixie. Alice stood a little under five foot tall with spiky black hair. Today she wore a green strapless dress with a frayed hem. Her irritation apparent in the way she stood with her arms folded across her chest and one hip jutted out.

Jasper's turns from me to Alice and back again rapidly. "Her? I have to fight her? Now?"

I nodded, placing my hands in pockets and attentively studying my shoes.

"We were only together a short time but I loved her a lot."

"Did she make you feel like a unicorn?" Jasper asks sympathetically.

Thinking back on our time together, I realize that she never did make me feel all tingly like Jasper is describing. Hmmm...

"You don't have to do this Jasper." I tell him. Although I'm sure he can easily see that I am not worth it.

"Can I kiss you?" he asks, his voice filled with hope. "If I do this...and win, will you let me kiss you?"

I can't believe what I am hearing. Not only is he willing to fight Alice but he wants to kiss me. And then, I feel it, the unicorn feeling that Jasper had mentioned. I smile widely at him and nod my agreement.

"Okay then," he returns my smile. "Quick, tell me about Alice."

"Well, I met her at the mall. I carried her bags and she gave me a hummer in the car when I gave her a lift home. She's got great suction. She does this thing with her finger..."

"Edward!" Jasper yells. Alice snickers, throwing her head back, causing a shower of golden glitter to fly about her.

"Her true colors were revealed to you at the end of your relationship," he harshly whispers. When I still don't get it, he shakes his head and rolls his eyes. "You know her weakness Edward."

"Oh," I reply lamely. But then I get it and I wonder if Jasper will let me borrow that light bulb. "Oh!" I yell out, nodding my head. "Well, after we split, I realized that she was never satisfied. The more she had, the more she wanted. She never wore the same outfit twice and she didn't want anyone else to either." I narrowed my eyes, remembering our break up. "She always thought she was better than me."

"Got it, materialistic and bossy," Jasper said, squaring his shoulders and turning to Alice who had turned an allover shade of red. "How do you deflate a person with a huge ego?"

"How Jasper?" I ask excitedly, bouncing on my heels.

Jasper shrugs, "Tell them the truth."

"Hey Alice, I heard you saw Pinocchio walking through the woods and ran up behind him, knocked him flat on his back, then sat on his face crying, 'Lie to me! Lie to me!'" Jasper laughed.

I laughed with him, it sounded like something she would do.

"But Pinocchio knew how to occupy an idiot. Press down - Press up...Press Down...!"

"Shut up," Alice screamed, holding her hands over ears and stomping her feet.

"Hey Edward! Did you know that one day, Tinkerbell here bought a new car, and was eager to show it off, when all of a sudden an eighteen wheeler came out of nowhere and took of the driver's side door with her standing right there. "NOOO!" she screamed, because she knew that no matter how good a mechanic tried to fix it, it never would be the same.

Finally, a cop came by, and Alice ran up to him yelling. "MY JAGUAR DOOR WAS JUST RUINED BY SOME FOOLISH DRIVER!"

The policeman exclaimed, "HA! Fairies are all the same-so materialistic. All you care about is your possessions. I bet you didn't even notice that your left arm is missing did you?"

Jasper paused for dramatic effect, "Alice looked down at her side and whined, "MY CARTIER WATCH!"

Thank goodness I didn't need to breathe because there was no way I could. I laughed so hard, I got the hiccups and I think I broke a rib.

Alice's hands flew to her throat where she began to cough up sparkled puffs. She grew smaller and smaller with every twinkling cloud that exited her mouth. A birdcage emerged over Jasper's head and he promptly had a squeaking Alice locked inside.

He held the cage in both hands and in a puff of smoke it was gone.

"Where did she go?" I asked looking around and praying Jasper didn't say he wished Alice to the cornfield. That shit is scary.

"Let's just say that somewhere, over the rainbow, a munchkin just got off on the yellow brick road," Jasper quipped with a wry smile. "Now, about that kiss..."

Jasper stepped in front of me, grabbing me by the ass, and pulling us flush together. His tongue thrust out tracing my bottom lip and my knees wobbled. He hummed with pleasure as he crushed his lips against mine.

Jasper devoured me, licking, sucking, and biting my lips. He pulled away panting but held my gaze as he licked his lips and whispered, "Unicorn."

Hand in hand, we walk to the small diner in town. Asking all the important get-to-know-you questions. Surprisingly we had a lot in common. Boxers or briefs? Neither. Favorite flavor of lube? Banana. Best song to have sex to? Bump and Grind. Of course.

When we entered the establishment, the women immediately took notice of me. Two swooned, three gave me their phone numbers, and when the waitress sauntered over and looked into my eyes, two of the buttons on her blouse popped off and flew across the room. I paid little attention to them, I was used to it. I mean, who could blame them. I got a semi looking at myself in the mirror and they were but mere mortals.

We sat across from one another at a table in the back. Jasper ordered steak and eggs and I got a sparkling water. Sharing glances at each other, we were comfortably silent as Jasper ate. When he was finished he blotted the edges of his perfect lips with a napkin and announced he was ready to go.

"Where are we going?" I asked but secretly not caring as long as I could be with Jasper.

"Swimming," Jasper said, as if it made perfect sense.

We fought over who would pay the tab. I had to put the bastard in a headlock so I could get my wallet out of my pants. It wasn't easy but I paid the waitress and maybe held on to Jasper for a bit longer than was necessary. Totally not my fault. He was pressed up against me, his head level with my groin. I envisioned us in the same position; him bent at the waist with my hands on his head, pulling him toward my aching cock. I was just about to ask him if he would be adverse to the idea when Jacob burst through the door of the restaurant.

**Reason #3 - Envy**

Jacob's a Minotaur-half man, half beast. He has muscles and stocky build, a tail and horns. I met him in a park where I was hunting rabbit and he was sitting on a bench eating grass. Disgusting, I know, but who am I to judge anyone's eating habits.

Besides, it was the eighties; we bonded over spiked hair, Wham!, and Parachute pants. His dad, Billy, had been in a hunting accident and was confined to a wheelchair. You should have seen him fly in that thing. He wore a pool stick chalk cube on one horn, swearing it made him faster. Jacob suped up the wheelchair, putting the motor of a VW Rabbit on the back. Billy used to ride it seven miles to the nearest bar and back till he got that DUI.

Jacob stands with his elbows on the door facing, filling the space entirely with his massive frame. Breathing heavily through his nose, tendrils of smoke vaporize from his flared nostrils with every exhale.

"Holy shit, Edward, that is one big son of a bitch."

"Yep," I nod, rubbing the back of neck.

"Tell me you know his weakness. Please," Jasper begs, staring wide eyed at Jacob who is scraping his left foot back and forth in the dirt.

Huffing, I crossed my arms. "Asshole never gave the first blowjob."

"Edward!" Jasper yelled anxiously, stomping his foot.

"Well, it took me a long time to see it, but he was jealous," I confided.

"Jealous?"

"Ummm...yeah, jealous of pretty much everything. He got jealous if I beat him at baseball. Jealous if I knew something he didn't know. Jealous that I was better looking. Jealous that my cock is bigger than his." I would have gone on but Jasper interrupted my thoughts.

"Penis envy," he gasped in shocked indignation, covering his wide open mouth with his fingertips.

Suddenly, a purely wicked expression crossed Jasper's features. He reached for the button of his jeans and called out intimidatingly to Jacob. In one smooth move Jasper had his jeans pooled at his ankles and he wasn't kidding about being commando either.

Jasper's cock was long and thick, hanging half way down to his knee. Not gonna lie, when I saw it, my asshole puckered so tight, so fast that it sucked wind and made a whistling noise.

"Jasper," I pant. "What a big dick you have."

"All the better to fuck you with my dear," he smirked at me.

Then, stepping closer to Jacob, Jasper fisted his dick at the base and begins to swing. Jacob's head spins like the exorcist to follow it's every move. Round and round it went, faster and faster, hypnotizing Jacob, the black of his pupils swirling with the white.

"Jacob," Jasper calls, his voice full of authority and changing his technique, he swings his dick back and forth like a pendulum.

"Yes master," Jake answers dreamily.

"From now on every time you lay eyes on Edward, you will fall to your knees and praise him for the god that he is. Understand? Team Edward forever motherfucker!"

Jacob's answer was immediate, his head still swaying back and forth. "Yes master."

If my heart could beat, it would have broken through my chest and jumped into Jasper's arms. No one had ever taken up for me like that. I don't think I have ever been as happy as I am right now. Cause it's the best day ever. Well, top ten anyway.

Jasper still had one more trick up his sleeve however. "From now on, anytime you are about to receive fellatio, you will bark like a dog."

Obviously, Jasper is an evil genius and my brain makes plans to make him my dancing queen as soon as possible.

We left Jake on his knees with his arms raised high in the air as he composed sonnets about my beauty and walked out the back door of the diner. Jasper right behind me, laughing. My foot caught on the step but he wrapped his arms around me to keep me upright. Feeling Jasper's hard-on pressed against my ass, I smiled and wiggled my hips a little.

"You sexy bastard," he gritted through his teeth.

Spinning me around and pressing my back to the brick wall, he grinned salaciously. "Take your pants off."

Quicker than a speeding bullet, I had my pants folded across the bend of my arm. As I stood there bare-assed, Jasper took his time appraising me.

"I hope you don't do _everything _that fast Edward," Jasper said with a wink, sinking to his knees.

But as soon as he wrapped his hot mouth around my dick, I embarrassed myself by coming four point two seconds later. I couldn't help it. The boy has a mouth that would make a hoover vacuum jealous.

I came with a loud roar that caused us to have to evacuate before I could thank Jasper properly because everyone within a two mile radius heard me and were calling the cops. They thought someone was being tortured in the alley but little did they know that I would gladly subject myself to this type of abuse every day of forever.

Fleeing from the diner, we ran all the way back to the beach, laughing. Well, I had to be slow so that Jasper could keep up with me. But I was damn happy, so I skipped to my Lou my darling. I still beat Jasper, stripping off my clothes while still running, and dove in the water. He wasn't far behind though and soon we were slashing and teasing each other.

I took inventory of all his attributes as the rain began to fall around us and lightning streaked the dark sky. The way he moved like an animal, slow and sensual. The erotic tenor of his voice and the sexiness of his accent. The way he smiled endearingly at me, igniting my every nerve ending.

I dipped my head to get the hair out of my eyes and allowed my mouth to fill with water. I resurfaced with my cheeks puffed and my lips puckered, spewing a stream of water at Jasper.

"Edward, you are so cute, like a chipmunk. Might I sample your nuts?" Jasper asked with a heated gaze that somehow made me shiver. He always said the sweetest things.

He stalked toward me as if I might run. I never would. I am his willing prey. Linking his fingers over mine, he placed them, my palm down, over his heart. His heart was beating abnormally fast and for a second I was worried. Sensing my discomfort, he quickly explained away my fears. "For you Edward. Only you." I thought the look in his eyes was the most intense thing I had felt. And then he kissed me. Slow, soft, and sexy.

Jasper pulled me to the huge rocks that led to the cliffs we had sat on the previous night. From behind, he wrapped his arms around me and began a trail of kisses from my jaw down my neck to my shoulder as he unfastened my jeans and pushed them off my hips.

He bent me forward and I placed my hands on the boulder in front of me to balance myself. Jasper placed tiny kisses down my spine and then promptly bit me on the ass. _So good. Every time he touches me it's so damn good, the rain and thunder electrifying everything even more. _

When his hands left me, I looked over my shoulder at him curiously. From his pocket, he produced a package of banana flavored lube and happily declared that he had been a boy scout. Thank the gods for preparedness.

Kneeling behind me, Jasper sucked one my balls, and then the other, into his hot mouth. He continued to alternate while pushing a finger into entrance. Shamelessly, I begged for more until it all became too much and he brought me to orgasm without ever having touched my cock.

We collapsed together in the sand, me holding him reverently and thanking him profusely as I came down from the high. When I was able to move again, I flipped us over and returned the favor, making Jasper scream my name, repeatedly.

Relaxed and happy, it took far longer than it should have to dress. Neither of us could keep from watching the other and then smiling like fools when we inevitably got caught.

I should have known better than to come back to the beach. I should have.

**Reason #4 - Lust**

James' head and body rose from the water in small increments. When I pointed it out, Jasper jumped back, exclaiming. "What the hell is that?"

"I'm afraid _that _is James."

"Is he a fucking merman Edward?" Jasper asked incredulously.

Sighing heavily, I nodded. "From sundown to sunup he can chose which form to take but during the day he must remain in the water."

James and I had met at a club. Ironically called After Midnight. The sexual chemistry between us was instantaneous. We dated for months, drawing out the inevitable. In the end, after we had slept together, it felt like it was over. Like all those stolen glances, secret smiles, innuendos, and chaste kisses had led to one hell of a good fuck and now the mission was complete.

I was stubborn and tenacious though. I tried my hardest to get that chemistry back but it never happened. We were both supernatural beings that had to hide during the day but we didn't enjoy doing the same things. We fell into a routine of non-communication, getting together for the sole purpose of sex.

He stopped wanting to go out with me. He never asked about my day. He didn't even want to watch gay porn with me, saying that it wasn't his cup of tea. What kind of a person doesn't like porn? Certainly not someone I want to hang out with. Especially gay porn. I mean if there are two things gay men love it's cock and a bargain. Gay porn is a two for one sale. That's when I knew it would never work between us and as soon as I realized it, I began to see him differently.

Jasper fists were clenched at his sides when I finished my story. "Sick and tired of these bastards treating him bad," he muttered under his breath but I heard him just fine.

James was intimidating as he swam toward us. I suppose he thought that is all it would take to convince Jasper to step down. Surprise flickered across his face as he took in Jasper's defensive stance.

"You want to fight me? For him?" he asked, pointing at me.

"I take good care of what belongs to me and Edward is mine," Jasper spat angrily.

"I know men like you, James," he said more calm and quietly. "Men who have no appreciation for anything but the chase."

Stepping closer to the water, Jasper told him coldly. "I'm going to give you exactly what you want."

Jasper laughed heartily as he conjured a child's wind up pool toy. This particular Jasper-made model was made of soft plastic and resembled a merman blow up doll. He cranked a dial on the toys back and sat it down in the water. When released the toy shot across the ocean like a skipping stone and James tore after it.

We watched as the doll moved swiftly deeper with James staying just a bit behind. At one point the doll must have wound down as it bobbed and swayed in the water. James rushed to its side, quickly turning the dial again, and setting it free for him to follow.

Jasper grabbed my hand and tugged me after him as he started off down the beach. "Where are we going?" I asked, easily keeping in step with him.

"I think it's time I take you on a proper date," Jasper grinned, amused.

And what a proper date it was. We sat on a blanket on the hood of Jasper's car at Make-Out Point, talking and touching. Music from one of Jasper's CD's played quietly over the speakers and as we counted the stars in the sky. When the moon was high and The Backstreet Boy's 'This Is Us" drifted through the air, it was mixed with the sounds of our passion.

As we lay in each other's arms, basking in our afterglow, I nervously asked him to come home with me and he readily agreed. My confidence in myself and life in general changed exponentially with his quick and eager answer. Funny how one word could alter my perception of the entire world.

We dressed each other as slowly as we had undressed and with our arms linked and goofy grins on our faces, we started for home. _Home_.

We were half way there when I heard it. Clay Aiken blaring from the stereo of a pink Corvette.

**Reason #5 - Pride**

He had his parked lengthwise across the road, effectively blocking us. Jasper slowed to a stop and shut off the engine before we got out of the car.

"What the hell is Malibu Ken doing?" Jasper asked. My ex got out of his pink and white Jeep wearing skin tight white jeans and a pink graphic tee with a striped scarf wrapped around his neck.

"Mike," I told him and when he raised his eyebrow in question, I simply nodded, letting him know wordlessly. _Here we go again._

I met Mike in a tanning salon where I was making an effort to look more human and Mike was attempting to look more plastic. By the looks of him now, he has succeeded. His skin holds an orange glow, his teeth unnaturally white, his thinning blond hair over gelled.

"Is that really what you are wearing Edward?" Mike snarked, making a fist with his thumb pointing down.

"Watch it, you Effron wannabe," Jasper snapped, maneuvering between Mike and I. "Edward is an angel sent from heaven with a mind for pleasure and a body for sin. You will speak to him respectfully."

"I'm gonna do me, you do you," Mike sneered with his hands on his hips.

Jasper just shook his head and sighed. "I'm gonna have all you little bitches wearing Team Edward shirts before I am done."

He started pacing, pulling at his hair in apparent frustration. "Teach you all a lesson," he mumbled. "If you're not with us, you're against us and we will crush you." Jasper was stomping now, his voice loud and echoing.

I reached out and grabbed his wrist, stopping him. "Jasper, he's narcissistic, he treated me like a possession he picked up at Banana Republic," I tell him, hoping something of my past heartache will help him like with Jacob and Alice.

Jasper smiled a sweet smile and cupped my cheek in his palm. Slowly, he leaned toward me, his gaze never faltering. Of course, Mike had to open his mouth.

"You just try to get in?" Mike taunted in a bad Jersey accent.

Jasper stopped his approach abruptly, the left side of his top lip curling maliciously.

"The thing about a Ken doll is that he is plastic, right Edward?" Jasper asked before turning to face Mike. A naked Ken Barbie doll materializing over his head. He reached for it with one hand, while pulling a package of push pins from his pocket.

"And plastic is a substance that you can mold into whatever you want," Jasper confidently stated before pressing the first pin with a round red ball on the end into the shoulder of the doll. Immediately Mike's girlie squeal filled the air and he grabbed for his shoulder where a large red circle was spreading across his bedazzled shirt.

Jasper pressed an orange ended pin into the opposite shoulder and Mike screamed, stumbling backward as an orange circle bled across his chest. Ten minutes later, the doll was covered in a variety of colored pins and Mike looked like a rainbow.

"Now that's gay pride," I whispered in awe.

Finally safe in my condo, we kicked off our shoes and while Jasper opened a can of soup that had been in the cabinet for years, I put The Rocky Horror Picture Show in the DVD player. We curled up together on the sofa, his back pressed to my front.

Jasper's light snoring filled the room as the movie ended and the screen turned blue and silent. Feeling peaceful and serene like never before with Jasper in my arms, I closed my eyes and allowed myself to zone out.

I was wrapped up in a fantasy where I was dressed in a bee's costume and Jasper was crooning, "Be sweet, eat your honey," in my ear when Jasper began to twitch and cry out in his sleep.

Opening my eyes, I brushed the sweaty hair from his forehead. "Jasper, wake up, you're dreaming baby."

Jasper jerked awake with tears in his eyes. "What's wrong precious?" I pleaded, kissing his wet cheeks.

"I dreamed that I couldn't find you. I was scared Edward," he cried into my shirt.

"Ssshhh baby. It was just a dream. I'm right here," I tried to comfort him.

"No," he wailed, vehemently shaking his head. "It's more than that. My chest aches, I'm overjoyed but scared as hell and I can't bear even the thought of being away from you even for a moment. Something is wrong with me, Edward."

I tilted his chin up to meet my eyes. "Is that really how you feel?"

He nodded.

"Jasper, that's what it feels like to be in love." I told him, not able to contain my smile. "Like your experiencing all the painful and pleasurable emotions in the world at once."

"Really? Love?" he asked, scrambling up on his knees and hovering over me. "Please help me Edward," he begged. "My heart, anytime I'm not touching you, it hurts. It's so intense and overwhelming."

"I'm going to make it all better," I promised, flipping us so that Jasper is on his back under me. "Let me show you how good it can be."

The feeling of his warm body submissive and pliant under me was heaven divine. Second only to the hellaciously sinful feeling of his sweaty body under me writhing and demanding. I took my time, making love to him leisurely. Letting him feel what was in my heart as I left no inch of skin uncovered in kisses. When we were finally joined, our souls rose from our bodies and joyously reunited.

The next morning, after breakfast and blow jobs in the shower, Jasper and I decided to wander through the forest. We played hide and seek. I won. We kissed constantly and never strayed for from one another.

And together, we were, when we came upon her.

**Reason #6 - Laziness**

"A washing machine? Really?"

"I-I-I" Is it possible to die of embarrassment? If so, I'm ready now please.

"I'm assuming this was purely a sexual relationship?" he asks with a smirk.

I roll my eyes at him and huff. Then, I figure since I'm getting ready to die, I might as well tell the truth. "I still have wet dreams about it," I confess in a whisper.

Jasper's mouth drops open and his eyebrows climb up his hairline. Internally, I plead with Eros, Cupid, Papa Smurf, or Robert Pattinson, whoever is in charge of these things, to take me quickly and without pain. (Note: they might all be the same person. I'm not positive, but I suspect.)

I force my eyes off of the ground to gaze upon Jasper's beauty one last time. What I see makes me insta-hard. Jasper is furiously rubbing his open hand across his jeaned erection. He looks into my eyes and says the sweetest words I have ever heard. "Edward that makes me so fucking horny."

He stops rubbing, holding his junk tightly as he steps toward me and draws seductively. "What's the washing machine's name Edward?"

Why can't I just die already? I barely whisper the name but he makes me repeat it louder. "Buffy," I say in a loud, agitated whisper.

"Oh fuck!" Jasper suddenly screams, falling back on the grass, with one hand still pressed tight against his crotch and the other pinching his nipple through his shirt, while his body spasms. "Edward you're so fucking hot. You just made me cum in my pants," he pants.

I use the full power of my crooked smile on him. Hope springs eternal as I sample life after shame.

"Edward?" he says slowly and carefully. "How do you feel about threesomes?" He asks, glancing over his shoulder toward Buffy.

I nod my consent and catch the wicked gleam in Jasper's eyes before turning to address my old friend. "What do say Buffy? Want to come live with us?"

Buffy rocked from side to side, her lid opening and closing rapidly, making a loud, metallic clapping noise. "I'll take that as a yes," I say, snickering.

With a wink, Jasper had insisted we get Buffy settled in at the house and make sure she was good to go. Later, after two heavy load washes with extra rinse cycles, we deemed the washing machine, world's greatest invention. Oh, and then we did some laundry.

I fed Jasper strawberries and cheese between sips of wine as we lie in bed. Taking turns, we read erotic poetry to each other until the sky darkened. When Jasper began to yawn, I turned off the lamp and wrapped him in my arms. Soon, his breathing deepened and he snuggled closer, murmuring my name. I spent the rest of the night thanking God.

During the night, Jasper slowly slid his way down my body. Moaning and writhing, his body inching further and further down my own. I When he was far enough down, I spread my legs to help us both be more comfortable. I was convinced of this fact as Jasper rested him cheek against my thigh. His lovemaking sounds were interspersed with soft snores as he nestled against me, rooting his nose into my groin.

Still dreaming soundly, he immediately took my quickly hardening head of my cock into his mouth and suckled noisily. He settled instantly into a peaceful slumber, sucking me like a pacifier. I tried really hard not to wake him. I really did. I didn't mean to flip him over and straddle him. I didn't mean to glide all the way down his dick in one quick move. But twenty minutes later, Jasper could be heard for a three mile radius screaming, "Fire in the hole!"

I spent the rest of the morning trying to prepare Jasper for the final battle. I knew Bella and Victoria would come together. I told him all about our history. How poorly I had treated Bella and how spiteful she had treated me.

I explained how I wanted to try a real relationship with Victoria, but soon found out that she had only wanted me because Bella had me. She enjoyed tormenting Bella with our presence together but that was all. I was nothing but a trophy on her arm and she flaunted me relentlessly.

I tried to account for my behavior and how sick I got of them fighting over me. But when I called it quits with Victoria, the two of them banded together to make my life a living hell, each of them lying with bated breath that they would share me once I had broken. They were so sure I would break and I realized that if anything happened to Jasper, I very well might.

I wanted to stay in the house for the day and just be together. I wanted one more day of just us before the inevitable battle with Bella and Victoria. I was scared and a little whiny. Jasper just smiled, rubbing his finger across my cheek and said he'd do anything I wanted.

I played piano for Jasper and he joined in with his guitar. We watched Glee and had sex in the hot tub. The morning was perfect. Jasper was perfect. I ordered him a pizza for lunch and while I was cleaning up, he went out to get the paper. By the time I heard him gasp, they were already in the house.

**Reason #7 - Greed**

Bella and Victoria stood back to back just inside the door, smiling viciously at the two of us.

"Boys again, Edward?"

They crowed together, as they moved quickly by us, tugging at Jasper's hair. He winced in pain but made no sound.

I couldn't believe this was happening. Why does my past have to screw up our future? I could lose Jasper to these two. He's all alone...

My head snapped up at the realization that Jasper was not alone. I am right here beside of him and our love is stronger than their hate. And it's high time I started fighting for myself, and for us. If Jasper was willing, then so was I.

It started with me telling Victoria how much prettier her red hair was than Bella's plain brown. Jasper chuckled and pointed out that at least Bella's tits were bigger. That's how, with combined hands and forces, we turned those two little bitches, anger and greed, against each other and watched while they ripped one another apart.

We cleaned up the mess ourselves and roasted marshmallows over a bonfire in the backyard. Then we raced each other back to the laundry room.

The next day, we hired a re-decorator to repair the damages the girls had caused and I encouraged Jasper to change anything that would make him more comfortable. The contractor said two weeks which I knew from experience meant six months so I took Jasper traveling.

We kissed on top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris. We explored and made love on an off shore island in Venice, Italy. We skied the slopes in the Swiss Alps where I proposed on one knee in the blinding white snow, laughing and drunk on my love for him.

After that we made our way down to Texas to give Jasper's family the good news. They were ecstatic for us and I was glad to meet them. His parents, Kate and Ben, planned the wedding and his brother, Emmett and sister Rosalie, threw the keg party.

The old farm house made me nervous though. I swear I heard 'Dueling Banjos' playing late at night and don't tell Jasper, but I think Emmett and Rosalie are sleeping together. I was glad to make our way back home to Forks and begin our happily ever after.

We lead a quiet life here. Yep, quiet and normal. You know, for a gay vampire and a magic cowboy who share a sexual relationship with a washing machine named Buffy. But that's a whole different story. Giggity.


End file.
